In my work coaching individuals at all organizational levels, a recurring theme emerges: the difficulty many of us have in truly hearing constructive criticism. We all appreciate positive praise for a job well done. So much so, that often, praise is all we listen for, causing us to miss the most critical word in the feedback sandwich: “BUT.” As Winston Churchill noted, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

Why the “Positive Couching” of Feedback Often Fails

Management and leadership courses often teach us to deliver candid feedback in a “positive sandwich”; start with praise, insert the criticism, and end with more praise. It’s a human tendency; we dislike hurting feelings, so we temper difficult feedback. The unfortunate result? The recipient often basks in the initial positives and mentally tunes out before or during the “but.” The leader feels good for having “delivered” the feedback positively, the recipient feels good for hearing praise, yet nothing is truly accomplished, learned, or changed.

My aim here isn’t to overhaul how all leaders give feedback (a monumental task!). Instead, it’s to help you, as the recipient, become more effective at hearing what’s truly being said, especially in your Small or Medium-Sized Business (SMB) where agile learning is key. This is your reminder to actively “listen for the but” and capture the constructive criticism so you can genuinely improve.

The “Listen For The But” Technique

Most leaders who couch criticism follow a pattern: praise, then the “but” (which might be an actual “but,” or disguised as an “and” or “however”), followed by the core message they needed to share. As the recipient, train your focus to pinpoint that pivotal “but.”

Consider Jim, a Project Manager, getting feedback:

“Jim, you’re doing a fantastic job pulling the team together. Everyone is getting along great, and I can see what a positive culture you are creating. Well done! But, I really would like you to focus a bit more energy on keeping the schedule and risks up to date. It’s not like things are awful, but it could use some improvement. Can you keep an eye on that for me?”

Jim, buoyed by the cultural praise, might gloss over the “buts” and the vague “could use some improvement.” He continues focusing where he got praised. What his manager really meant was likely: “Jim, your schedule and risk management need significant, immediate attention. Team cohesion is great, but it won’t save us if we’re blind to upcoming issues. I need you to prioritize this.”

If Jim had “listened for the but,” he would have caught the real message, identified a critical area for improvement, and enhanced his career potential. It doesn’t matter how his manager delivered it if Jim is skilled at hearing the core constructive point. As a fractional CIO, I often have to deliver feedback on IT strategies or project performance; it’s vital that SMB leaders can hear the “but” to ensure technology truly serves the business.

Praise Isn’t Bad… BUT It’s Not the Whole Story

This isn’t to say you should ignore praise. Knowing what you do well is important. But, as John Wooden said, “You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one.” Acknowledge the positives, but don’t let them overshadow the crucial feedback that follows the “but”; that’s usually where the most significant opportunity for growth lies.

The Limits of Purely Strengths-Based Approaches

While focusing on strengths is valuable, most roles require us to perform tasks that might not be our top strengths. Ignoring constructive criticism about these “weaker” areas, simply because you’re focused on your strengths, can limit your effectiveness and future opportunities. Great project management, for example, needs both team building (a strength for Jim) and diligent schedule/risk management. Excelling in one doesn’t negate the need for adequacy in the other.

Unlock Growth: Listen Effectively

It’s not always easy to “listen for the but,” especially when criticism stings. But by training yourself to stay balanced, acknowledge praise without getting lost in it, and keenly focus on hearing (and acting upon) the constructive feedback, you create tremendous opportunities for personal and professional growth. Most managers aren’t experts at delivering candid feedback; they’ll often soften it. If you can hear the real message through the softening, make positive changes, and improve, you not only make yourself better but also make your manager (and your SMB) more successful.

Constructive criticism is a gift: the gift of growth. But only if you “listen for the but” and choose to unwrap it.

What’s Next

In the dynamic environment of an SMB, the ability to receive, process, and act on constructive feedback is paramount for both individual leaders and the organization as a whole. It’s how we adapt, improve, and ultimately “Succeed Sooner.”

Is your SMB fostering a culture where constructive feedback is effectively given and, more importantly, truly heard and acted upon, especially concerning critical areas like IT performance and strategic alignment? If you’re looking for a partner who values candid communication and can help your team turn feedback into actionable improvement, let’s connect with Succeed Sooner Consulting.